With A Chance To Move On, Penguins Lay An Egg

What the hell was that?

On second thought, that's all that needs to be said.

Let's get back to what worked, eh?

Ryan Doumit Is Hurt, Water Is Wet

In what seems to be an annual event, Pirates' catcher Ryan Doumit is headed for the disabled list, this time with a fractured thumb. According to Dejan Kovacevic over at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, he's going to miss at least a month, and maybe more. And we all know what that means: MORE RONNY PAULINO!



I know there's nothing you can really do to prevent broken bones, shit happens, it's just frustrating to see Doumit constantly hurt. The injuries always seem to range from the nagging -- like hamstrings -- to the flukes -- like broken bones.

Perhaps next season, in lieu of catching equipment, the Pirates can send him behind the plate covered in bubble wrap which is stuffed with packing peanuts.

It does suck though because the Pirates had a good thing going with Doumit and Paulino splitting time behind the plate. The offensive output was near the top of the league for the position, and with Paulino spending the majority of the time on the bench the defense was improved as well.

That's Three

Getty Images

Marian Hossa. Defense.

That's Two

Welcome back, Max.

Kimmo Timonen is the new Larry Robinson. Have you heard?

Saturday Night At The Ball Game; The Pirates Have Won Five In A Row? Get The Hell Out Of Here

Quietly, very quietly in fact, the Pirates have put together a nice little winning streak. It currently sits at five and they are now just a mere two games under .500. Somewhat amazing when you consider they have the worst team ERA in the league and perhaps, position-by-position, the worst starting infield through a month-and-a-half.

If there's a positive to having a baseball team that's lost for 15 consecutive seasons, it's that you can buy two tickets directly behind home plate, the day of the game, for $16.

Before the game the Army Golden Knights parachute team had seven maniacs launch themselves from a plane.


Insanity.

Tom Gorzelanny was starting for the Pirates on Saturday, and this season that has usually meant a lot of runs for the other team, and an easy loss for the Pirates. It didn't look like Saturday would be any different when, in the top of the first inning, Braves' first baseman Mark Teixerra hit a mammoth 2-run home run well into the left field bleachers. Jason Bay didn't even move. He just sort of turned around and watch it sail into the night. Then, following that, Gorzelanny walked Jeff Francouer -- a difficult task -- and managed to escape the inning with no more damage.

And then things took a turn. Gorzelanny pitched like the guy we saw last year. Getting ground balls, throwing strikes, getting the occasional strikeout. The Braves would never score again.

The Pirates cut the deficit in half in the bottom of the second when, following a lead off double by Jason Bay, and a double steal involving Bay and Adam Laroche, Ronnie Paulino hit a sacrifice fly to center. The run was a nice little achievement for the Pirates, as Chuck James, the Braves' starting pitcher, shut out the Pirates in 14 innings of work last season, including a near-perfect game at PNC Park. Baby steps, boys. Baby steps.

In the bottom of the fourth, Jason Michaels -- hitting third?!? -- led off with a single to right, and was followed by Bay crushing a 2-run homer to right-center field. It's nice to see Bay hitting doubles, opposite field home runs and stealing bases. That's the player we remember. Not that Shawn Green clone we were treated to last season.



Check out the shift the Pirates put on for Braves' catcher Brian McCann. It looks like Freddy Sanchez is playing rover. But, hey...it worked as McCann did ground out to him in shallow right field. Trouble is, the throw was so long for Sanchez that he bounced it to Laroche.


And the Braves outfield, clearly fearing the hitting prowess of pitcher Tom Gorzelanny (4-for-93 in his career).


Ronny Paulino added some insurance runs for the Pirates in the bottom of the sixth with a 2-run, 2-out double to right-center. I have no picture, I wasn't expecting him to do anything.

The Pirates turned four double plays behind Gorzelanny, including one started by Gorz when he snagged a line drive hit right at his face. It was self defense. If he wouldn't have caught his face would probably be stuck to the ball.

Efficient work from the Pirates' bullpen as Frankie Osoria's rubber arm of suck and Matt Capps finished off the final 1 2/3 innings on just 11 pitches.

Victory.


More victory. Enjoy it while we can.


And there was much partying in the streets! No. Not really.

That's One

For the most part it was everything it was expected to be: Physical.

For the first 58 minutes it was extremely physical, and for the most part, fairly clean as there were only four penalties called, and one of them was for delay of game when Ryan Whitney shot the puck into the stands two minutes into the game.

In the final two minutes some hell break loose when Scottie Upshall and Kris Letang started some crap after the whistle, and boatloads of penalties were handed out. Nothing too shocking, however, other than the fact Evgeni Malkin continues his quest to claim the title of best player in the universe.

Malkin had a 3-point night with two goals -- Including a shorthanded goal -- and an assist. He recorded what went down as the game-winner with just four seconds remaining in the first period. He was also credited with five hits and had his glove firmly planted in Derian Hatcher's face during the minor scuffle in the final two minutes.

In other news, Vs. figured out that R.J. Umberger is from Pittsburgh, and felt the need to have Chris Simpson interview his parents over live action of the game during the second period. I think they mentioned that Plum High School is just 14 miles from Mellon Arena at least 140 times. I'm not sure what they'll do when they realize Ryan Malone is also from Pittsburgh.

Frank Pietrangelo's Save Vs. Evgeni Nabokov's Save

Vs.



As a Penguins fan, it's difficult to not give the edge to Pietrangelo, mainly because of its importance to the Pens' run towards their first Stanley Cup.

Even more impressive than Nabokov's save is the fact he didn't rip his groin out of his body in the process.

Random Thoughts While Watching The Pirates And Giants

I know it's still early in the season, and the Giants are playing better than I thought they would, but I still think these two teams are going to be fighting until the end of the season, perhaps even to the final series, for the right to pick first overall in next year's Amateur Draft. Jose Castillo is playing third base, Bengie Molina is hitting cleanup, and I've never even heard of their No. 1 and No. 2 hitters. What a terrible, terrible team. Is this Randy Winn hitting third? Goo.

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Apparently game two of this series is going to feature Barry Zito -- $126 million paperweight for the Giants -- facing off against Phil Dumatrait -- replacement for the Pirates' $10 million paperweight, Matt Morris. There's only one image that comes to mind.

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Last week Kevin McClatchy was inducted into the Western Pennsylvania Sports Hall Of Fame. Mind if I ask for what? Normally, the phrase "Hall Of Fame" is associated with people who are successful at what they do. No. Scratch that. For people who are legendary at what they do. Mario Lemiuex. Joe Greene. Willie Stargell. Franco Harris. Guys like that.

McClatchy, on the other hand, was the face of the Pirates during the darkest period (which we're still in, by the way) in the franchise's storied history. And he's in a Hall Of Fame? Any Hall Of Fame? We're through the looking glass here, people.

But as a quick side note, going back to the never-ending sea of suck the Pirates are currently swimming in, it's actually far worse than the 15 consecutive losing seasons which is still growing by the season. Really. It is.

Since the Pirates last won the World Series in 1979, they have managed just seven winning seasons in the ensuing 28 years. The fewest amount in the Major Leagues (excluding the 1990's expansion teams). Four of those seven seasons, and the only three playoff teams, came when the Pirates had Barry Bonds. It's really not a 15-year drought, as it is a 28-year drought minus a couple of seasons when Barry Bonds patrolled left field.

Glad to hear that the man who was in charge for, oh, I don't know... at least eight of those years is now in some sort of Hall Of Fame. Cats living with dogs.

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Nate Mclouth just hit his eighth home run of the season. At least somebody is exceeding expectations this year. Well, to be fair, Xavier Nady is as well.

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Plenty of good seats still available. Adam Laroche struck out a couple of innings ago and you could hear every comment the fans made to him as he walked back to the dugout. Even worse, the crowd is so small, and so quiet, that you can hear one of the broadcasters -- I haven't figured out which one -- breathing through his nose into the microphone. And you can hear Lanny flipping through his sheets of paper that contain presidential trivia and Freddy Sanchez' batting average in night games, against left-handed pitchers, in May, in games east of the Mississippi River, with a 7:05 start time.

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Adam Laroche just hit a 2-run home run. He's actually been playing well the past few games. Somebody should tell him the season starts in April, not May. Some guy in the right field stands made a fine catch, barehanded, and Lanny and Steve are discussing whether or not he looks like Astros outfielder Lance Berkman. Now Lanny wants to read his shirt but isn't sure if he should because it might be dirty. It's not. It says "I let my mind wander and it never came back."

Lanny seems disappointed.

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Other than the season opener, and the game I went to a couple of weeks ago, I think this is the most I've watched the Pirates all season. Sadly, this doesn't disappoint me. Baseball is still great, and the Pirates are still boring.

Round Three Matchup: It's The Flyers

Wow. If you thought a first-round matchup between between these two teams would have been intense, you're now dealing with the Conference Finals. This could be complete anarchy on ice. If we're lucky.

That's Four

AP Photo

That's four the hard way.

It wasn't always pretty, it was somewhat maddening (Like when that 2-0 lead was erased three minutes into the third period), but it's all good in the end. Marian Hossa scores a pair, including the game-winner in overtime, and the Penguins take the series four games to one.

I think Ron Cook needs a new column tomorrow.

When the Penguins acquired Hossa from Atlanta at the end of February, critics of the deal questioned what it would do to the Penguins' team chemistry (answer: Nothing) and how Marian Hossa, a perceived playoff underachiever, would perform in the NHL's second season. And that doesn't even get into the questions of whether or not the Penguins can re-sign him. I suppose that's a legitimate concern, but the first two are, and always were, bogus.

Hossa, with his two goals today, now has five goals so far in the playoffs, and has been perhaps the Penguins best all-around forward.

His first goal today came after a brilliant individual play where he kept the puck alive in the offensive zone with a diving effort at the blue line. It looked as if the puck were going to slowly roll out of the zone, forcing the Penguins to regroup, when he sprawled to the ice, maintaining possession, allowing Sidney Crosby and Ryan Malone to make a series of tic-tac-toe passes to set up Hossa for the one-timer.

I think it's worked out just fine.